I happen to be one person who likes my things done perfectly and honestly, I’ve always quite lived the perfect life. But lately I’ve been chasing my demons. Demons that I actually never thought I had. Now just realizing I have been looking all perfect for my mirror, without really ever looking into it.
No, it’s not the splitting image of a dazzling me that I saw. Rather, perhaps the fact that I was more real to my perfect self than to my other half that needed a bit more work. Getting to see that my all perfect ways have not always been perfect. And that there is more to it all, sometimes more than I am willing to admit.
My said perfect life was a no brainer, plain black and white. No matter how much heartache some of my decisions caused me, I was determined to stay objective. Let’s say someone lies. Plain black and white, they lied. I never saw the need to open that dirty little box of why they lied or if it was for the ‘greater good’. The point being, they lied. And no one likes a cheat.
Opening that dirty little box was the grey area that was always there but that I never thought to touch on. Like why would I want to do that? It just piles up baggage of confusion and who needs that? Not me. Especially not when choosing between two extremes made me feel a hell lot more assertive. It just wasn’t going to happen. And then there was that still voice that whispered to me, ‘Stay objective, my child. Stay objective.’ I was made.
But that box, that confusing dirty box was the thin line to a real connection with reality. The truth being that a lot of life battles are fought in not knowing; in having faith of the things unknown. Yes, that grey area that I was keen to avoid.
Well, I like knowing ,and I like being sure, and if you are like me you probably know how that feels. But truth be told, we can’t always know. Plain black and white is sometimes a plain dark misconception. It gives us an excuse not to get attached to situations and to people by ultimately being ‘superior’. Witnessing and judging things without being connected, being untouchable.
It’s totally okay to be objective because a wrong is wrong, it need not be justified. But perhaps in listening to people more even when they’re wrong (as per your judgement), you may realize that perhaps it’s your expectations that are high. That while people may not always meet your bar of perfection, they need all not be cast to the dogs. Sometimes, there is room for second chances but all times, there has to be room for forgiveness. And with such an open mind, you find much more peace.